Babyproof
by Giada Luna
Summary: The war is over, and the Konoha shinobi are facing a completely new challenge - being parents. Turns out parenting the new generation has some serious obstacles - even for the people who DON'T have kids! All of the kids from #700 will be in this story, as well as the canon pairings. See profile for cast of characters post #699, pre#700 Narutoverse when the Next Gen are tiny.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, so here's the thing. I keep editing the real big stories, and these random plot bunnies just pop into my head. The only way to get rid of them is to write them down, I swear! Kishimoto owns all of the Narutoverse. I just have a rabbit problem._

* * *

**Babyproof**

* * *

"You have to help us," Naruto says, his jaw in a hard line.

"It's troublesome, but I think he is right," Shikamaru sighs.

"We really need you," Chōji offers, eyes wide with sincerity.

Uchiha Sasuke looks grave, and gives a "Hn."

"You can't possibly be serious," she eyes them all. "Are you just bored? Came into my shop to have a laugh? Get home to your wives," she scoffs dismissively, turning around before abruptly turning back. "No, you know what? I take that back. Business is slow. Buy something _expensive, _and then go back to your wives."

"But you don't understand," Naruto's eyes dart desperately between her and the three other men. "This is a serious problem."

She glares at Naruto. "Oh please," she rolls her eyes. You, I _might_ be able to understand, because Hinata is pregnant, and you are an idiot," she ignores his indignant reaction to her harsh phrase, "but the rest of you?" She narrows her eyes at Sasuke. You can't tell me Sakura hasn't handled this, or Temari is alright with this, or that Karui won't skin you alive, or that – hm,' she looks around – Ino must have things alright on her end

"On the contrary," Sai smiles brightly, entering the shop. "We are also in need of your help."

"And… our wives… sort of… sent us…" Chōji mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.

Tenten looks at them all, and crosses her arms.

"Prove it," she says flatly.

"I have this," Sai says cheerily. "This is why I am late. I went to Kakashi, and he made this an official mission."

Tenten smothers a sigh and takes the scroll. Kakashi must either still be sore that she beat him at darts the other night, or he is just screwing with her.

Her eyes grow wide.

"An A class mission?" she asks, her mouth falling open, reading the scroll "'Reconnaissance, and tactical advisement; design and implement defensive apparati and jutsus as needed; Shikamaru, you are on here for strategy and tactical support, Sai for design, Uchiha for - what the hell _is _this, are we going to war?"

"You have no idea what we are up against," Naruto shudders, and they all look uncomfortable.

She pinches the bridge of her nose between her thumb and fore finger. "You are telling me," she says slowly. "That I've been assigned to lead an A class mission with the top Konoha nin of our generation for… oh I love this 'domestic security modifications to ensure the security of the following citizens of Konoha: Akimichi ChouChou, Nara, Shikadai, Uchiha Sarada, Uzumaki, Bolt, and Yamanaka Inojin?'"

They all nod.

"Guys," she eyes them all with a mix of disbelief, irritation and a healthy side of 'What-the-actual-fuck.'

"Babyproofing?!"

They nod again

"Why the hell is anything with babies an A class mission?" she asks in exasperation.

"You don't know these babies," Naruto grumbles.

"They are babies!" She exclaims. "They are tiny!

"Well actually," Chōji raises a finger, but Naruto interrupts

"But they are fast and smart as hell! It is becoming a real problem – they are getting into our equipment, our supplies, - all kinds of things!"

"Forget it," she slams the scroll on the counter. "I don't do kids, or didn't you notice I don't have any?" she stares them down. "I don't know the first place about what you would need or what to do, or-"

"Oi! Here you guys are!"

"Oh, just great," she mutters.

Kiba smirks and looks at Shino. "Looks like she heard about Kakashi's order."

"If you are here to be a jerk, Inuzuka," she says through clenched teeth, "I swear to you I will show you that your clan isn't the only one that can neuter things."

"Geez," he holds up his hands in surrender, "is that any way to talk to one of your mission partners?"

"Mission part-" she looks down at the order. She had stopped reading part way through, overwhelmed by the insanity of the whole situation.

"What the hell is 'preventative assessment and consulting?'"

Kiba shrugs. "Puppies aren't that much different than babies – at least when the puppies are ninken, and the babies are mini shinobi. Plus Hana has kids now. I've got lots of experience."

"Yeah, I heard," she says dryly, "But, funny, I don't see anything about cats on here, so I doubt I'll need that 'expertise' of yours."

He glowers at her while Shino coughs discretely and the other nin smirk or hide smiles.

"FASTER, LEE!"

"Hai, Gai-sensei!"

"You've _got_ to be kidding me," she groans, sinking onto the stool behind the counter and banging her forehead against it two or three times before hiding her head in her folded arms.

Lee and Gai come flying in the door, Lee, pushing Gai's wheelchair and skidding to a stop, almost taking out Uchiha, who is fast enough to move out of the way. Inuzuka gets his foot run over instead.

Tenten appreciates this.

"Tenten!" Gai booms, ever larger than life. "I hear that you are have been specially assigned to help safeguard the youth of this village!"

"What? No- look. There has been a mistake. This is a simple case of babyproofing, and you can all heigh-ho your happy asses down to a hardware store and buy those little lock closures, and outlet covers and whatever nonsense you need to keep your kids from playing 'let's swallow what's under the sink' or 'where does mommy hide her senbon.'"

"We tried," Naruto says forlornly. "Bolt jimmied all of the locks. And he keeps climbing things."

"All babies climb things," she mutters.

"Not the roof!"

"Chouchou busts through the doors," Chōji adds.

"Shikadai can sneak things out with shadows," Shikamaru says, bored. "He is pretty clever about the whole thing."

"Inojin draws fun little animals to go find things around the house. He then tries to mind control them into doing all sorts of interesting things," Sai contributes. "You can't imagine how creative he is!"

"Sarada picked all the locks," Sasuke grumbles. "She figured out how to bypass all of that useless junk weeks ago. She removed it and left it on the table for us and said she hoped we hadn't thrown out the original packaging so that we could return it."

"Toddlers," Tenten says flatly. "Your kids are teething and barely stumbling around, and they are breaking into your cabinets, or in Uchiha's case, knowledgeable about the finer points of consumer rights."

"Yes," Sai says with a tilt of his head and a cheery smile. "Even better than that, they are escaping from cribs, playpens, bedrooms, and at least once, Inojin tried to ride an ink creature out of a window."

"Bolt just jumped," Naruto mutters. "Nearly gave Hinata a heart attack."

"Chouchou and Shikadai ganged up when Karui was watching them. Broke into the snacks and food pills. Had to go to the hospital," Choji says, frowning at the memory.

"Who the hell keeps food pills where kids can get at them?" She asks, in frustration. "Even I know better than that, and I don't even have houseplants."

"That's just it," Choji fidgets. "They were in a special sealed location," Choji says, and she feels a bit sorry at the distress clear in his tone. "These kids found it, undid the jutsus, and managed to almost clear out the supply."

She almost falls for it.

She gives a quick shake of her head, and rolls up the mission scroll to hand it back. "Buy better storage, and hire nannies," Tenten instructs. "Or, hey, lock them somewhere until they turn, I don't know, Twenty? That should about do it."

"Ooooohhhhh, I get it," Kiba says, folding his arms across his chest. "You can't handle it."

Tenten narrows her eyes viciously at him, and lowers her voice. "What did you say?"

"I said," he leans forward, hands on the counter. "You. Can't. Handle. It. The Konoha Dragon will take on missing nin, set traps for dangerous criminals that she _says_ no one can beat, but she can't take on a few measly plans to keep toddlers from hurting themselves. What's the matter?" he asks innocently, before going in for the kill. "Out classed by the diaper brigade?"

"Kiba, that isn't true," Lee leaps to her defense. "Tenten is perfectly capable of doing whatever mission is assigned to her – we have total faith in her!"

"That's right!" Gai roars. "Tenten's SPIRIT OF YOUTH IS UNDAUNTED!" he declares, punching a fist into the air. "There is no way she will fail to protect the next generation!"

"Oh yeah?" Kiba asks easily, ignoring Tenten's death glare. He leans forward, hands still on the counter, grins a taunting, snaggletoothed grin, and with his nose two inches from hers offers the low challenge.

"Prove it."

She inhales sharply, her own words ringing in her ears. "Fine," she bites out. "Let's go see what your snot nosed ankle-biters can do," With that, she scoops up several scrolls, and sashays past them all. She tosses Lee the keys. "Lock up." She opens the door and arches an eyebrow at them all. "What do you want, an invitation? You coming or not?"

Lee's cheer seems to rouse them and they follow with varying degrees of relief and enthusiasm. Shikamaru looks at Kiba who is grinning smugly while Shino sighs heavily.

"Nice," he chuckles under his breath.

"I do what I can," he shrugs one shoulder, cocky grin in place.

"You gonna sit around all day, Inuzuka?" She calls back, hand on hip, "or you gonna put some money where that big mouth of yours is."

Shino and Nara smirk, and Kiba narrows his eyes at her. "Oh, it is _on._"

* * *

_So... who wants to see the Konoha Next gen as ittybitties? Go on or leave it as a 'one-shot?'_


	2. Chapter 2

_I haven't had time to revisit this one much, but I finally got an update going. Kishimoto owns the Narutoverse._

_When last we met, Tenten agreed to head up an "A" rank mission to investigate and secure the safety of the new generation of shinobi.  
She has since visited and observed Uzumaki Bolt, Uchiha Sarada, Akimichi ChoCho, Yamanaka Inojin, and Nara Shikadai. She has also since concluded that now might be a good time to accept that transfer to Suna..._

* * *

**Babyproof  
Chapter Two**

* * *

Tenten drags herself into the bathhouse with a sneaking suspicion that she has never been more tired in her life.

Thirty minutes into her first visit for the mission, she sent a message directly to Kakashi. Fifteen minutes after that, an ANBU member appeared and handed her a small scroll and said "I shall alert the others."

She had nodded grimly, and turned her attention back to watching Naruto chase after Bolt on the roof of their home.

She sinks into the warm water and looks to the various expressions of the women assembled; from Hinata's quiet concern, Sakura's sympathetic gaze, Ino's smug smile, Karui's guarded expression, and Temari's knowing smirk.

"How?" Tenten asks flatly.

Temari's eyebrow quirks. "How what?" she asks innocently.

Tenten narrows her eyes. "You know damn well what I mean," she retorts. "How the hell do you girls get anything done, and how are you not restrained somewhere in an asylum?"

"Oh," Temari and the other women exchange a variety of amused glances. "That."

"Yeah," Tenten snorts. "'That.' Between your kids and your husbands, you should all be listed on a monument somewhere as heroes of life after the Fourth Shinobi War." She rubs her temples. "Kakashi and I are so going to have words."

"Looks like he knows," Ino leans back happily in the water. "Why else would he have assigned us all to a mission that required the bath house to shut down for our use only today?"

"Because I threatened him?" Tenten offers.

"That probably had something to do with it," Sakura smiles impishly, "but knowing Kakashi, he had this planned ahead of time."

"I am never playing him in darts again," Tenten mutters. "Either that, or the next time we play, I am going to beat him so badly, he'll never play ME in darts again."

"This doesn't have anything to do with darts," Karui crosses her arms awkwardly, still getting used to her post-baby larger chest. "We sent word to Kakashi before we sent the boys to you."

Tenten frowned. "I thought Sai went to tell Kakashi."

"He did," Ino's look is far too innocent. "And I sent him."

"So you're all in on this," Tenten asked them, mouth hanging open and eyes wide as they all nod in turn. "What the hell, girls?" she sputters. "When did I piss you off that much? What did I do?"

"Nothing," Hinata is quick to assure her.

"We actually do need your help," Ino adds.

Tenten's looks wildly between them all, as if waiting for someone to say it is all a joke, or to accuse her of some egregious wrongdoing meriting this level of retaliation.

"Okay," Temari levels. "Here's the deal."

Tenten looks over to the eldest of their circle of friends, for whom she has a pretty high regard, inspite of or perhaps because of their rocky introduction all of those years ago.

"What the boys told you is 100% true. We sent them, and we need your help. Three months ago it was just the five of us tearing our hair out and trying to adapt to our kids getting older and into more things. Two months ago, our husbands all told us we were crazy. No," Temari puts up her hands. "I take that back. Naruto said he was sure Hinata could handle it, Uchiha was too smart to call Sakura crazy, but did seem to think she was exaggerating and is only alive because he left the village, Sai almost got beheaded by Ino, so I won't go into that, Shikamaru predictably told me that I was troublesome, and Chōji immediately asked Karui what he could do to help, which pissed her off because she always wants to do things herself."

"That's-" Karui sits up, sputtering in protest.

"Absolutely true," Temari interrupts her dismissively. "So one month and three weeks ago, we all took a step back."

"You what, now?" Tenten's eyes grow wider.

"Nothing major," Temari admits. "We still had our eye on things, but the only way the boys would believe us is if they had to see it and deal with it first-hand."

"Didn't they have missions?" Tenten asks. "I mean, that is why they weren't there in the first place, right?"

"Sure they did," Ino's grin is slow and wicked. "They just didn't realize that Kakashi had reassigned all of them to Konoha at our request."

"What?" Tenten gasps, not too sure whether to laugh or be amazed. "Are you serious?!"

"As severe chakra depletion," Sakura's eyes glint. "Kakashi gave them all missions that required them to stay in the village, and we all had assignments that required us to be away from home more in the day. Ino and I have been needed at the hospital," she looked to the blonde who nodded sagely.

"And Karui and I have been needed as liaisons to Suna and Kumo," Temari added as Karui smirked.

"It is surprising how many clan matters have come up recently," Hinata adds with a shrug and a small smile.

Tenten stares at her friends in disbelief.

"That's…. that's…."

"Brilliant?" Ino asks with a smirk.

"I was going to go with devious," Tenten admits, "But yeah, brilliant works. Which of you actually came up with this?"

All of the girls look over to Temari.

Tenten eyes her suspiciously. "I should've known."

"I can't take all of the credit," She sighs contentedly, leaning back in the water. "I had advice from one of the smartest people in the Land of Fire."

"At this point, I can't even guess," Tenten stretches her legs.

"My mother-in-law," Temari grins. "Turns out that she had been trying to tell Shikamaru some of what he and Chōji and Ino used to get into, but he wasn't listening."

"So why didn't the rest of you ask your parents or the older adults in your clans?" Tenten asks, curious.

"Have you met my mother?" Sakura grumbles. "If I bring her into this, I'll never get her _out_ of it. Besides," she continued. "My parents are civilians. I'm not an offspring from an elite clan – the kind of grief I gave my parents didn't require intervention by a weapons specialist on the orders of the Hokage."

Hinata's eyes are downcast. "My mother isn't here," she says quietly, "but I already spoke with some of the older mothers in our clan. It seems Bolt has a bit more Uzumaki in him than Huyga."

Tenten makes a derisive sound. "I don't know about that. Ever try to talk Neji out of doing something that he was set on doing? He gave Naruto the same look when he refused to budge from the roof."

"See, this is why we need you," Ino chimes in, happily. "You are involved, but you aren't _involved_. You can talk to Yoshino and the Akimichi's and the Haruno's and members of mine and Hinata's clans, and they will tell you what you need to _know_ not what you have to _do_."

"There is a difference?" Tenten asks helplessly.

"Huge," Ino stresses the word. "And chances are, if you are the one saying it - framing it as post-investigative strategy and not advice - the boys will actually _listen_ for once."

"The only person who listens to me is Lee," Tenten says flatly, "and he doesn't do it well."

"But again," Sakura chimes in, "you are an outside source, but close enough that they all trust you. And you really are more than capable of creating whatever it is we need to create. Think of it as setting traps – no one beats you at that."

"Traps aren't meant to deter," Tenten counters. "They are meant to TRAP. And do you realize how many of my traps maim, poison, or explode?"

"That is why you are going to talk to the older generation first," Temari says, all business. "Take what you saw today as a baseline. See if any of there is any overlap in the issues and behaviors you observed, and the kinds of antics they expect. Also, ask them about scenarios yet to come. Then come and talk to us again; we will give you specifics regarding our children and our homes. Analyze the data – Shikamaru and Sasuke will be a large help there. Once you have an idea of the actual issues, and patterns of behavior, you can decide what needs to be addressed and/or prevented and strategize accordingly. Sai is an excellent resource for design, Chōji is very practical, Shino and Kiba know what to look for, and if it is something that Naruto can't break, you win." She shrugs. "Easy."

"Easy?" Tenten echoes with an arched eyebrow.

"Sure," Temari smiles confidently. "Just make sure your preventative measures aren't lethal."

"You mean 'aren't harmful,' don't you?" Hinata's quiet voice holds a note of amusement, and of warning.

"Don't worry," Tenten gives a small smile to Hinata. "I wouldn't let anyone get hurt. Well, I can't guarantee Kiba will survive the experience, but I'll keep the kids safe."

"That is why Shino is there," Temari says nonchalantly. "He'll keep Kiba in line."

"And he really does have a good sense for the kids," Hinata offers.

"That reminds me," Temari adds. "Tsume and Hana are around, too. And Kurenai. They are part of the older consulting panel."

"What about Sasuke," Tenten frowns. "There aren't any Uchiha's left."

"Tsunade-sama," Sakura interjects. "Both she and Kakashi are points of contact for any Uchiha or Sharingan related questions."

"Sarada has the Sharingan?" Tenten asks, mind suddenly racing with a laundry list of problems that variable can make.

"Not yet," Sakura says with a relief and gratitude in her tone that Tenten doesn't quite understand, "but it is still something to take into consideration."

"Fine," she sighs in defeat. "I know when I'm beat."

A cheer goes up from the women in the bath, and Temari gives her a wink and a playful punch to the arm. "Atta girl!"

"Well one thing is for sure," Tenten grumbles. "I don't know about your homes, but after all of this, I'm sure as hell going to be babyproof."

"Stranger things have happened," Sakura shrugs.

"Well me having kids isn't one of them," Tenten sinks into the water. "Let's just see what we can do about getting yours safely to academy age. Then they are Shino's problem."

Tenten closes her eyes as she tries to relax in the hot water, and misses another exchange of triumphant and knowing glances between her friends that absolutely would have had her taking up that transfer to Suna.

* * *

_Thanks for reading, friends! _

_ -Giada_


	3. Chapter 3

_Finally had a second to update this one! Enjoy, friends!_

* * *

**Babyproof  
Chapter Three**

* * *

Tenten reads over her list for the fourth time. She reaches for her lidded tumbler of coffee (she'd given up on tea hours ago) and takes a large gulp before picking up her pencil and winding it acrobatically through her fingers while gnawing on the inside of her lip and rapidly jiggling the foot of her crossed leg. She scribbles down a few more notes and then puts the pencil down, sitting back in her chair.

She glances from her list to the unopened scroll in front of her, scanning it with an expert eye. She heaves a long sigh, shoves the heels of her palms against her eyes, rubs rapidly, and shakes her head. With a bark of frustration, she pushes away from the table and stands up abruptly, shaking out her arms.

"One more time," she mutters. She yanks her kunai out of the table (where she had jammed it while thinking) and twirls it around the index finger of one hand, and snags her coffee with the other.

Narrowing her eyes, she slowly circles the low, wide, wooden table, sizing up the array of scrolls, maps, blueprints, documents, notes, schematics, and top-secret clan profiles. She absently tosses her kunai behind her and reaches for her notepad and list again. The weapon sails into the center of one of the bull's-eyes on the wall, but she pays it no mind as she looks down the list one more time.

**1\. Initial assessment**  
...**a.** Visit domicile of each individual and assess threats, environmental or otherwise.  
...**b.** Evaluate subjects in their relative setting and catalogue behavior making particular note of risk-taking behavior and risk factor.  
...**c.** Take down input from present parent(s) aka fathers.  
...**d.** Have initial discussion with mothers.

Alright – that had been her first week. She absently wonders if she should arrange to debrief the moms at the baths again, and how many times she can arrange those kinds of outings before Kakashi gets suspicious.

"Screw it, he owes me," she grumbles.

Tenten reads down the rest of her list.

**2\. Interview process**  
...**a.** Grandparents/Parents/older generation/extended family  
...**i.** Discuss their grandchildren. Apparently they all love discussing this stuff.  
...**ii**. Wait about 30 seconds for inevitable comparison to their own children's antics.  
...**iii.** Catalogue all information both for assignment and as blackmailable material for future. They all officially owe you big time, and you now have leverage on every single one of them.  
...**1.** Don't mention to Hinata – she is too sweet.  
...**2.** Don't mention to Shino – not good to piss off and possibly scariest of all.  
...**iv.** History of parents and relative problems. Etc.  
...**1.** that these people be given their own frickin' memorial because of what they endured  
...**2.** No. Seriously. A big one.  
...**b.** Parents take two  
...**i.** Go back to friends and cross reference their experiences.  
...**ii**. Direct questions more specifically with reference to gathered information.  
...**iii.** Using information from the questions answered.  
...**c.** Miscellaneous  
...**i.** Teachers/neighbors/friends/etc.  
...**ii.** Medics that have treated the children and other clan members for related malady.  
...**iii.** Clan archives, Lord Third's private records, Secret Hokage records

**3\. Directed Reconnaissance continued**  
...**a.** Reassess physical environments of both home and common public areas.  
...**i.** Go with Sai and have schematics/blueprints made.  
...**b.** Gather relevant medical information  
...**c.** Have side list of any clan specific hazards  
...**i.** Akimichi food pills  
...**ii.** Weaponry storage  
...**iii.** Medicinal/research items secured

**4\. Assess**

**5\. Design counter-measures**  
...**a.** Call the team together for meeting  
...**b.** Call in specialist from Suna because he will be a big help, and he still owes you drinks.

"So close to part five," she murmurs to herself, flipping through her notes to scan through the interviews again.

Somewhere along the line this became a legit serious mission. She has been gathering all of the intelligence she can on the protection targets, potential threats, battle grounds, etc. She is fairly certain she is now the unofficial authority on the younger generation of Konoha.

Overhead, she hears the chime of her store door opening, and Lee's enthusiastic greeting. Lee has been helping watch her store while she works on this mission, and the store has never been cleaner. She hears the door open at the top of the stairs, but doesn't bother looking up. The only people Lee would let down here are from the team.

She hears multiple feet move down the stairs rapidly, and that is unexpected. She looks up to find Akamaru and Tsume's grizzled canine partner Kuromaru trotting in with Kiba.

"Oh," she grimaces at Kiba. "It's you."

"Good to see you, too, Sunshine," he grins impishly.

"What do you want, Inuzuka?" she looks back to her notes and drums her fingers on the table. "I'm working."

"So am I," he retorts dryly. His eyes rove over her, but she doesn't notice. "How many cups of that stuff have you had to drink?" he asks carefully.

She shrugs one shoulder, but he can see the fine tremor in her body. He frowns. That's not a good sign. He nods to Akamaru who trots over and puts his large head on her leg, before nudging his head under hand.

She looks down at him with a small smile and scratches his ears fondly. "Hey, Big Guy," she says with a sigh. "How are you doing?"

Akamaru gives a happy whine and presses into her. She chuckles and pets him with two hands. "Okay, I get it. I'll take a break." She sits back down and turns her attention to the big, white dog. "So," she says without looking up, "what are you doing here, Inuzuka?"

"I brought you some of the information you wanted," he leans against the table, and tosses a couple of scrolls toward her. "And Tsume sent Kuromaru over, because she can't come answer questions today. She and Hana are taking the kids out for the day."

Tenten catches the scrolls and nods to Kuromaru.

"Good to see you again."

"Same here," the dog replies in his gravelly voice. He hops up on the low, long, wide bench that runs the length of the table. "What do you have here?" he asks.

Tenten eyes the long table with the maps, schematics, interviews, lists, blueprints and other documents.

"Where do I start?" she half sighs half chuckles.

"Here, looks good," Kiba says, leaning over her shoulder and turning her notebook to face him.

Tenten scowls at him, but he ignores her as scans through her outlines. "Got some pretty good stuff," he says, raising his eyebrows. "Why don't you try bouncing some of your ideas off of Kuromaru and me?"

She arches an eyebrow and Kiba meets her stare evenly.

"Can't hurt," she mutters. Kiba sits on her left, and Kuromaru moves closer on her right.

Tenten is absently weaving a senbon through her fingers as she talks, which Kiba finds only slightly less agitating than when she plays with kunai as she speaks.

"How come I Hana's kids weren't this level of trouble?" she asks Kuromaru. "Why is it just my gang's kids?"

"They are their own level of trouble," Kuromaru corrects, "but Tsume and Hana know how to handle their own."

"Tsume's tough," Tenten admits, rubbing the back of her neck. "I wouldn't cross her."

"Smart," Kiba nods. "But mom had to be. Dad left us, so it was just her and Hana and me. Mom had to pick up the slack." Kiba added "And Kuromaru helped."

"Damn right, I helped," Kuromaru mutters. "You certainly had your days of being a pain in the ass."

Tenten's eyes light up. "Oh did he, now?"

"Definitely," Kuromaru snorts.

"Yeah, well, that isn't part of the mission," Kiba narrows his eyes at the older dog.

"Now hold on," Tenten says, an impish grin tugging at her lips. "I'm supposed to look out for the next generation, right? Well, I'm not doing all of this research again if you or Shino decide to go off and have kids. I might as well hear all there is to hear the first time around."

Kiba frowns at her. "I really don't think –"

"Then get comfortable," Kuromaru's smile is sharp. "Because have I got some stories for you."

In fairness, Kiba rides out the afternoon well. It takes a lot to embarrass him, and after a while, he is joining in during the stories, and Tenten is soon doubled over with laughter. Kiba quietly confiscates her coffee and dumps the rest of it, relieved to see that her nervous energy has begun to dissipate. He gets her water instead, and their conversation goes much longer than planned.

Lee comes part way down the stairs and waves to them. "Tenten? All of the chores are done, and I've locked up the store for the night. Do you need anything?"

Tenten looks up in surprise, and checks the time.

"Oh, wow, Lee," she says. "I didn't realize how late it was! I'm sorry – I should've let you go ages ago."

"Not a problem!" he enthuses. "I had quite a nice time today! I do have to go now, because Gai Sensei and I are going to have some dinner and then race around Konoha to digest."

"Sure," Tenten smiles fondly. "Thanks for everything, Lee."

"My pleasure!" Lee gives his nice guy pose. "I'll see myself out. Kiba, Kuromaru – good to see you both! How wonderful to see such cooperation in safeguarding the next generation!"

"Take it easy, Lee," Kiba waves.

Tenten turns back to both Kuromaru and Kiba. "I'm sorry, you two. I lost track of time." She gives Akamaru a scratch on the ears. "Tell you what. Why don't we get some dinner. My treat for keeping you so late."

Kiba's grin is cheeky. "You're on."

She locks up the store, and they make their way to an out of the way restaurant where the cook greets Tenten by name.

"I've been coming here a lot since this assignment started," Tenten says wryly.

"I figured," Kiba grins. "Good to know you are living on something other than coffee."

"At this point, coffee is one of my food groups," she admits. "This assignment has turned out to be way bigger than anything I could have anticipated. I'm almost ready to call everyone in so we can break down what I've found out. Although…" she trails off.

"Although?" Kiba prompts.

Tenten drags a hand down her face. "I still don't know if any of my ideas will even work. I don't know kids, Inuzuka," she sighs. "I was a pretty boring kid, I guess. No clan, so no special techniques. I never tried to jump off of my roof, and I didn't get into weapons until after I was a genin. Just a regular kid."

"These _are_ regular kids," Kiba shrugs. "You have to figure out what is normal for them and then work around it."

"How do you figure?" she puts her chin in her hand.

"Okay. For normal kids, you put the cookie jar up high where they can't see it, right?"

"Sure," Tenten nods.

"Well," Kiba crosses his arms, "Inuzukas have really strong senses of smell. It doesn't matter where you put it, or how high, we will know where it is the minute we smell it. My mom knew that if there was something she didn't want us to get into, that it couldn't smell like something we wanted."

"So she did something to mask the scent?" Tenten asks.

"Initally," Kiba nods, "but as we got older, she expected us to leave it alone whether we could find it or not. Eventually, she left the jar in plain sight – and scent – and expected us to leave it be."

"And did you?"

"For the most part," Kiba grins. "But my mom knew about that risk. Usually it didn't bother her. If she brought something in the house for later she didn't bother to hide it. She'd tell us what it was, and where it was, and-"

"And that she'd break your arms if you took it," Kuromaru chimes in. "Good memories," he sighs.

"Well, yeah," Kiba chuckles, "but that is Tsume, and the relationship we had with her. She set her rules and her boundaries. The trick with kids, is figuring out what they want, what they are up to, and not only how to prevent it, but how to address the need itself."

Tenten sits straighter.

"Address the need itself…" she repeats slowly.

"Sure," Kiba shrugs. "Mom knew that we loved to find things. Sometimes she'd make a game of hiding things for us to find. She did hide things that could hurt us if we got into them – but for the most part, she got to where she'd tell us what was where and to leave it alone. When we weren't curious about it, it just became one more smell in the house." He shrugs. "Simple."

Tenten drums her fingers on the counter, her mind racing. "That…that _is_ simple," she says in awe.

She jumps up. "I've got to go," she says, pulling money out from somewhere on her person, and waving to the cook. "I'll cover your meal – thanks for your help!"

"Aren't you going to eat?" Kiba frowns.

"I'll take it with me," she says, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I have to get back to work – I think I might know how to fix the problem."

Kiba eyes her for a second before standing up.

"You'd better head home, Kuromaru," Kiba sighs. "Looks like it's going to be a long night."

"Wait, what?" Tenten asks, confused. "No – no – you don't need to do anything; I don't need-"

"It's my mission, too," Kiba says flatly, nodding to the cook who is now making all of the meals to go. "C'mon. We can eat while we work."

"Well, but-"

"See you later, Kuromaru," Kiba nods to his mother's companion. "Say hi to Hana and mom for me."

"You sure you don't need an extra paw?" he asks, narrowing his one good eye.

"You've been a huge help, Kuromaru," Tenten says warmly. "I think we've got it from here."

"Alright. See you both later," he says before trotting off into the night.

Kiba slides a sly glance at her.

"We?"

"It's not like I can get rid of you, right?"

"Not likely," he admits.

"Well, then, you might as well work."

A feral grin splits his features.

"Whatever you say, Captain," his eyes sparkle. "Lead the way!"

* * *

_Thank you for reading, friends!  
\- Giada_


	4. Chapter 4

_I've been sitting on this one for a while, and finally had a chance to edit it. Should only be one chapter and a bonus epilogue after this - depending on how I edit. Have a great Saturday, friends! - GL_

* * *

**Babyproof**  
**Chapter Four**

* * *

"Hey, Tenten!" Naruto calls down the stairs. "You down there?"

"Of course she is," Shikamaru drawls. "She told us to meet her here, didn't she?"

Akamaru barks twice, and Shikamaru and Naruto exchange glances.

"C'mon down, guys," Tenten calls up the stairs.

Naruto thunders down the stairs, but stops short at the bottom, looking around the massive weapons-store-room-private-arsenal-turned-war-room in awe. Shikamaru, however, takes in Kiba and Tenten looking over a scroll.

Rows of weapons line the walls, and there are targets set up everywhere. A long, low, well-worn wooden table where Tenten clearly works on her weapons is in the middle, and two long benches run the length of it. The table is covered with more maps and documents, and charts.

"Whoa," he walks slowly into the room and taking in all of the maps and charts she has pinned to a large board on her wall. "What is all of this?"

"Research," Tenten says, not bothering to look up. "Grab some food from the table and have a seat."

"Oh thank goodness," Naruto grins. "I haven't had time for lunch yet." He starts to load a plate and then freezes in place. "Is Chōji coming?" he asks, hand hovering over the food.

"He dropped that off," Tenten glances up, "but he is bringing more."

"Excellent," Naruto breathes in relief.

"Don't go crazy, Naruto," she warns. "Leave some for the others. Shikamaru," she turns to the yawning strategist, "did our friend arrive yet?"

"Late last night," he finishes yawning. "He was with Temari and Shikadai this morning. Kuromaru was supposed to bring him by."

"Friend?" Kiba asks, curious. "And being escorted by my mom's dog?"

"It was on Kuromaru's way," Tenten stands up. "I decided to bring in a specialist," she rolls her neck side to side, grimacing at the kinks trying to take root there.

"A specialist?" Kiba quirks an eyebrow. "Why bring someone in this late?"

"Well, Kakashi ok'd it two weeks ago, but he couldn't just leave Suna right away."

"Sorry about that," a voice floats down the stairs followed by a heavy footfall. "Problem is, I'm kind of a big deal," Kankurō shrugs unapologetically. "Hard to get away."

"And yet your adoring fans let you leave town," Tenten says dryly, crossing to greet their guest.

"I don't know about any fans," Kuromaru gruffs, "but his nephew almost didn't let him leave."

"Yeah, well," Kankurō's smile is smug, "when a gal calls you up and says she needs your help, you make the effort. Especially when she sucks at anything mechanical."

Much to everyone's relief, Tenten laughs.

"I do not," she retorts playfully. "You just make things too complicated."

"Yeah, yeah," he reaches out and tugs the long braid that drapes out of her two buns. "And you can't pack for less than three months at a time, and neither of us can stand when a trap has less than three fail-safes and two detonation points. We've got issues"

"True," she grins. "But I'm in need of those issues."

"So I heard," Kankurō looks around the room, taking in the various charts, maps, pictures, and notes pinned on the walls between her usual array of targets. "Looks like you got more done since we last talked."

"A ton," she waves him forward. "Check this stuff out," she walks him over to the table, and slides a scroll over to him.

"So…," Naruto looks between Tenten and Kankurō, "how do you know each other exactly? I mean, aside from the whole chunin exam/war thing. Because you seem… close."

"You know that Lee likes to keep in touch with Gaara," Tenten explains. "I've been to Suna with him loads of times. Plus, after the war, I spent some time there learning about their sealing techniques. But, since my specialty is weapons, I wanted to know more about the kugutsu."

"So you can do puppetry, too?" Naruto asks, wide eyed.

"Just the basic stuff," she shrugs. "But someone other than Kankurō has to know how to fix them."

"You mean how to break them?" Kankurō nudges her with his arm. "Because, I seem to remember you doing much more of that than fixing."

"And now I can fix them," she says sweetly. "Which might come in handy if we need you to build some of this stuff," she waves a hand over the plans. Kankurō slides into a seat and studies some of her rough sketches, and Sai's attempts at drawing what she has in mind.

"Not bad," he says. "Needs more poison."

"No poison," Tenten says dismissively.

"Not even a little poison?" Kankurō suggests.

"Okay. Fine. You be the one to tell your sister when one of the kids gets poisoned by something you made to protect them," she shuffles her papers.

"Point taken," he holds his hands up. "What about mini- explosions? You know, for warnings?"

"Have you met the mothers of these kids?" Kiba interjects, crossing his arms and eyeing Kankurō distrustfully. "Do you have any idea who you will have to answer to if something happens to one of them?"

"Trust me," Naruto interjects. "Sakura-chan can be _way_ scary."

"Relax," Tenten waves the notions away. "He's just messing with us. He's only half the jerk he pretends to be."

"Don't go blowing my cover," Kankurō wags his finger at her. "It'll kill my street cred. So," he leans forward on his elbows. "Why don't you catch me up before the rest of the gang gets here?"

"They're already here," Kuromaru sniffs the air. Sure enough, Sai and Chōji and Lee all come downstairs carrying food, followed by Shino and Sasuke. Lee only stays long enough to drop off his load before returning to watch the shop, but he gives Tenten the 'Thumbs up' before racing up the stairs.

"Well, now that we're all here," Tenten scoops up some scrolls. "Catch."

She tosses a scroll to each person in the room, and they take the not-so-subtle invitation to sit and begin their meeting.

"Each of your scrolls is personalized," she begins, meeting their eyes in turn. "Your scroll has the information about your kid, and some of the results of my research. Take a minute to familiarize yourself with the details."

She hands Kankurō another scroll.

"Master copy," she explains. "You're going to need all of the information I've got."

She surveys her team they read through their respective scrolls. A smirk pulls at her lips at the various reactions – surprise, confusion, embarrassment, worry, – a whole gamut of emotions. Well. Except from Sai. He just raises his eyebrows and occasionally widens his eyes.

"Where… where did you get all of this?" Naruto asks, eyes wide.

"All over," she says with a shrug. "I've been very busy for this last month or so," she reaches for her lidded tumbler with an impish grin. "I hope you are finding the reading as interesting as I did."

Kiba looks over her shoulder.

"Take it easy with that stuff," he nods to her cup.

"I'm still nursing one from this morning," she assures him. "Don't worry about it."

"I am surprised to see that Kiba and I are included in this research," Shino intones. "Why? That is because neither he nor I have children, nor are we likely to have them any time soon."

"Like I told Kiba, I'm not going through all of this again you two decide to start having kids. Besides," she shares a conspiratorial look with Kuromaru, "Tsume was one of my best sources."

"Looks like she wasn't the only one," Kankurō says dryly, looking over to his brother-in-law. "Seems Yoshino had more than a few words to say."

"She always has more than a few words to say," Shikamaru shrugged, still reading through his scroll.

"Chōza was very helpful," Tenten says kindly. "He has generational experience, grew up as a member of one of the Four Noble Clans, was a member of an Ino-Shika-Cho trio, and has observed many children from the Akimichi, Nara, and Yamanka clans. He had his share of stories about you two and Ino."

Chōji smiles good naturedly. "Mom and Dad said to tell you to come back any time you like."

"I'm still full from last time," Tenten laughs "and I haven't been by in a week!"

"Looks like you talked to Mebuki and Kazashi," Naruto says, craning his neck to read over Sasuke's scroll. "Even Teme is afraid to do that."

"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke mutters.

"They were one of the first interviews I scheduled," Tenten idly flips a senbon through her fingers. "When Sakura told me her parents were civilians, I didn't realize she meant they were inactive shinobi. That helped clear up quite a few matters in Sarada's case."

"Where did you get the information on Itachi?" Sasuke interrupts, and she thinks she might hear a hint of surprise in his tone.

"That was a tricky one," she admits, tapping the senbon against her cheek. "Archives at first. Kakashi had experience with him, and so did Gai-sensei. Oddly enough, Kiba's sister knew a bit about him – they would've been the same age."

"Really?" Kiba asks, genuinely surprised while Sasuke just lifts an eyebrow.

"The Uchihas were a large clan," she continues. "There were classmates and friends and medical records to consult. It took a good deal of time, but I think my information is solid."

Kiba deftly extracts the senbon from her fingers and replaces it with a pencil as she flips pages in her notes. "Kurenai had some good information as a genjutsu user. Didn't really figure into what we are doing, but I included her information just the same. It might come in handy later down the line."

"Also," she begins to weave the pencil through her fingers, "I had Shizune scan hospital records for me to see what injuries were common among children from different clans. I also asked her to check with Cloud and Suna to help determine if there were any other things we should keep an eye out for."

"Wow," Naruto gives a low whistle. "That's impressive."

"We're to the point that we can start analyzing and putting together some strategies," she says, tapping a finger on her scroll. "We have the most information on the Ino-Shika-Cho trio," she looks up at Shikamaru, Choji, and Sai. "Your clans are large and we have good records. I think we can start there, because of the documentation."

"That is a prudent strategy," Shino intones. "Why? That is because that is where the majority of the non-extrapolated data lies, as well as then taking care of three-fifths of the children. In addition, they are the most likely to interact, and they should be addressed both individually as well as within a team grouping."

"Huh?" Naruto asks.

"He said we know the most about those three kids, and since they are always together, we can look at them like a team before moving on to yours and Uchiha's kids," Kiba explains. "Also, since that is three out of the five, that takes care of most of the work."

"That takes care of most of the kids," Tenten corrects, "but by no means does that take care of most of the work. Do you guys even remember Naruto as a kid?"

The other men mumble or smirk or nod or shudder their recollection, while Sai blinks before looking over to a pouting Naruto.

"So you were always impossible?" Sai asks, looking Naruto up and down. "How can someone so dickless be such a problem?"

"Shut it, Sai," Naruto grumbles. "We're here for your kid too, remember?"

"Yes," Said smiles his fake smile. "And I can assure you that he indeed has a-"

"Let's just get to it," Shikamaru interrupts with a sigh. "Since Kankurō's in town, my Mother has already roped our team into having dinner together. It'd be troublesome if we got held up here."

"Don't worry, Nara," Tenten smiles knowingly at Shikamaru while Kiba quietly switches out her coffee tumbler for a bottle of water. "I already know about Yoshino's time table. I won't risk the heads of my strategist and my engineer."

Sai clears his throat.

"Or my designer," she adds.

"Knew I could count on you, Ten," Kankurō winks at her.

Kiba begins to sit on Tenten's other side, but Kuromaru leaps gracefully into his seat on the bench.

Kiba's eyebrows shoot into his hairline.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" he eyes Kuromaru suspiciously.

"I am a good resource," Kuromaru sniffs. "Also, I can translate for Akamaru, who knew you brats as kids, and was with you most of the time you got in trouble."

"Pretty sure I've got that handled," Kiba says flatly.

"And which one of us is actually a ninken?" Kuromaru retorted.

"It's alright, Kiba," Tenten interjects. "It's good that he is here, he-"

"Tenten?" Lee calls down the stairs as he races down. "I am sorry to bother you, but there is a customer with a question, and I am unable to assist them."

Tenten looks around quickly. "Sorry, guys. I'll be right back. It's good thing you are here, Kuromaru," she smiles. "It spares me having to double check a few things with Tsume. Thanks for coming."

"Happy to help," the older dog dips his head, and Lee and Tenten disappear up the stairs.

"Seconds?" Naruto asks enthusiastically before jumping up to refill his plate, followed by Chōji and Sai. Shikamaru and Sasuke engage in a quiet conversation, and Shino moves silently to study the various research materials Tenten has pinned to the walls.

Kuromaru hops down from the bench and trots over to Shino, leaving Kankurō to slide a smug glance over to Kiba.

"What?" Kiba asks tersely.

"Looks like you've been replaced Inuzuka," Kankuro drawls.

Kiba narrows his eyes and leans forward.

"I doubt that."

"We'll see," Kankurō shrugs. "Not that it matters. It's not like she'll need the help of ninken or ninken trainers once this mission is done."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Kiba scoffs.

"You didn't know?" Kankurō asks, innocent surprise painting his features in place of his kabuki makeup.

"Is this where I'm supposed to say 'know what?' like I care about whatever B.S. you're going to tell me?" he crosses his arms.

"Don't know if you'll care or not," Kankurō shrugs. "Doesn't change that once all of this is done, she's transferring to Suna."

"You mean she has a mission," Kiba states.

"No, I mean she has a transfer. She put in for one ages ago. Been too quiet around here for her, I guess," Kankurō taps his finger on his open scroll. "This mission is the last thing she has to wrap up. After that?" Kankurō opens his hands. "Well, she doesn't really have anything to hang around Konoha for, does she?"

"Like she'd leave this shop," Kiba brushes the idea aside.

"So you don't know about the one she just bought one in Suna," Kankurō says flatly. "You really are out of the loop,"

Before Kiba can reply, Tenten's light footfall echoes down the stairs.

"Sorry about that," she strides back to her spot and takes her seat.

"No worries," Naruto grins, returning to the table with a plate piled high with seconds, thirds, and probably fourths.

Kuromaru trots back to the table and gracefully jumps to sit by her.

"Ready to get started?" she asks.

"Aren't we missing something?" Sai interjects.

Tenten arches an eyebrow. "And what would that be, Sai?" she asks, never quite sure what Sai is going to say.

"You provided me with information about all of our comrades – including Lee – but there is no information about you in here," Sai looks to his scroll. "You are part of our generation; what if you decide to start procreating?"

Thankfully, Tenten laughs.

"Trust me, Sai. After all of this, I'm the most babyproof thing in all of Konoha. Maybe in the Land of Fire."

Sai shrugs. "If you say so, but I am told that there is a condition that strikes women of a certain age called "Baby Fever." You might want to make sure that your vaccinations are current."

"I'll keep that in mind," she replies dryly. "Alright," she claps her hands together and rubs them briskly. We've got lots to go over, and we can't keep Yoshino waiting. Let's dive in."

Tenten becomes all business, and all eyes are on her – except for Kankurō's. He shoots a mischievous look to Kiba who glowers back before pointedly ignoring him. Shikamaru catches his brother-in-law's eye, but the other man only shrugs.

Shikamaru smothers a sigh.

He suspects he sees his wife's handiwork in all of this, and he wants no part of it. For once, he'd rather pay attention to his mission.

At least until dinner.

* * *

_I have no evidence for it in canon, but I think Kankuro and Tenten could totally be friends. Suna was shown to be on the front lines with sealing the fallen, and they use cloth for their funinjutsu. I feel like Tenten would have taken time to study it - possibly while going to Suna with Lee, who insisted on checking in on Gaara. Just a theory of mine, but it was fun enough to write that I'll do it again!_

_Cheers, friends!_

_ \- GL_


End file.
